Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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