Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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