i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your cock deserves a montage
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There are leaves in my underwear?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
