Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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