yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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