remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
