I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
