need another drink. this is the easiest way
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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