I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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