Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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