I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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