Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
