the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
