If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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