I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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