I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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