I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
