I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
