I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
