So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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