i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
