found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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