sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
