Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
