Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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