textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize