Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
