So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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