You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
