When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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