All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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