who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
