This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
