So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize