I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
