Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
