I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
