the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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