about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
