When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
