Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
