12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
