i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
