The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
