i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My vagina is officially offended.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
