His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is Oprah even human
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
