This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
