am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize