I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
