grandma shit on top of the toilet
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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