I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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