Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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