Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
