last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
