if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
