she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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