and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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