I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
