grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
