Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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