eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
