I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
