i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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