She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
