dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
