i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
