Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
