I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
