And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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