Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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