that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
