Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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