only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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