Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
