it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
