Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
