I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
