If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
no you cant smoke seaweed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
