the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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