That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
