so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize