i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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