I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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