ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
