Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
