My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
