Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
