I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize