Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
