I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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