im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
