I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
