Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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