If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
