Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
