I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he fucked my hip out of place.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
