Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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