I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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