Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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