He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
