I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
