I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
