he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
tell me about the eggs
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
