My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think my mom watched the whole time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
