I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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