i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
