I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
