some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
