so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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